Honesty Part 2: How we're actually BIG FAT LIARS!

(P.S. Honesty Part 1 is actually titled "The Secret to Making a Relationship Work")

I wanted to continue with the Honesty talk because, though I think most of us consider ourselves to be honest people, we're actually quite often BIG FAT LIARS;) and we don't realize how much this damages our relationships. Last time I focused on I've kept things from partners in the past. Now I'm going to talk about what it's like to be on the other end of the non-truth.

A guy I dated used to lie to me all of the time. Believe it or not, it wasn't malicious. He was constantly telling me what he thought I wanted to hear instead of how he really felt or what he really thought. While he thought he was appeasing me, he was actually pushing me away. I learned not to trust him since I knew there was a good chance he wouldn't be answering a question honestly, and I didn't get to know the real person....only the image he wanted me to see. I also felt patronized and frequently became angry about being lied to. Did he think I was that stupid?

When I pointed out to him that he was lying (I learned his tell sign), he initially denied, denied, denied. Eventually, after I repeatedly explained that I didn't WANT to hear what he thought I wanted to hear and that I DID want to hear what he really thought (even if I wouldn't like it), he began fessing up more readily.

And we got closer.

He revealed to me that, growing up, his mother would fall apart emotionally if things weren't just right, so he learned to tell her what she wanted to hear so she wouldn't freak out. He thought he needed to do that with all women and that's why he continued it with me.

SO, what's the point? I think we often lie to our partners and vice versa because we're trying to SAVE the relationship. What we actually end up doing is stalling it out or destroying it.