John Mayer: Friend or Foe?? & Does "Sorry" Make It Okay?

You may be surprised to see a gal like me (who is all "Go women!" in life) ask this question. But, shouldn't we be fair and look at both sides of the story before declaring someone a D-bag? I say yes!

Johnny boy gets such a bad rap but what has he really done to warrant such animosity? Are we all just haters because we wish we could have him but know we can't?

He does have some positive qualities, afterall: He writes the sweetest love songs that every woman wishes were written about her...Shouldn't that count for something? And he's yummy eye candy, that's another. And...

Well, that's all the good stuff I can think of.

As far as the not-so-good....Is it really his fault that he burns through women like a woman on the rag changes tampons? Maybe every woman he's dated is just really messed up and he has really bad luck! We can't blame the sane for loving the insane, now can we? Poor Johnny.

Whatdayathink? Are you buying it yet?

Let me bring another point to the surface: Can he truly be charged as a racist for declaring his willy a "white supremacist"? Surely he didn't mean it the way it sounded! I know--It's a defense mechanism! He has a pencil-dick and, because of the legend of the black-man's-penis, he has an intense fear of being found out (or, in his case, not found at all;) so he covers it up by saying racist things. That's it! Aw...he's just a scared wittle boy, not a racist, right?

And his misogynistic tendencies...Why would he write the song about mothers and daughters if he hated women, huh? Like another player I once knew who claimed, "I don't hate women. In fact, my problem is that I love them so much that I can't just pick one," Johnny probably really does care for women. He's just afraid of commitment!

*********REALITY CHECK***************************************

Isn't it funny that these are the type of excuses we women tell ourselves when we're trying to convince ourselves a guy is right for us? I mean, despite what I argue above, I think we can all agree that Johnny's status is pretty obvious: He's a misogynistic, racist douchebag and is not afraid to let it be known. Yet, still some people make excuses for his behavior or feel sorry for him. And can't you think of at least one guy in your life for whom you've made the same type of justifications?

I know I can think of plenty of things I told myself when I didn't want to believe something about a man was true (like that he wasn't into me or that he cheated on me or that he was not ready for a commitment).

Oh, and as if an apology mattered? Right... then, according to that logic, I could say whatever I wanted (like "guys who are pretty and sing pretty songs that are trying to be profound about love and life are all racist douchebags") and then instantly get off the hook by saying, "I'm sorry. That was very insensitive" when I realized I pissed people off. Well, I say that is idiotic. It wasn't a slip of the tongue (as many guys who are abusive or controlling may claim)...He was SHOWING HIS TRUE COLORS! There are some things that YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE BACK and calling a part of yourself a white supremacist is one of them. Once it's out, there's no turning back!

To conclude, I have one message to John and one to those of us who make excuses for the "Johns" in our lives:
John: Just shut up already! Just SHUT UP!
Excusers: Let's start using our heads a little more, whatdayasay ladies? If a guy looks, smells and acts like a racist, guess what...HE IS ONE! If a guy acts in abusive ways, talks down to you, is a cheater or ignores your wishes, I think it's fair to say that is likely to be a D-bag as well! Let us stop letting these guys off the hook just because we're desperate and lonely or have been lured in by his new arm tat. If we do, we may feel good for little while but (think of Jen and Jessica) will hurt for much longer in the future. Okay?

(P.S. I hope this doesn't come across as condescending...I'm just trying to inspire you to do what I wasn't able to do and what would have saved me a lot of heartache;) xo