Women Who "Own" Their Sexuality...What does that mean???

Over the years this statement has meant different things to me. Sometimes I thought of it more in terms of what it didn't mean. As in, a woman who "Owned" her sexuality wasn't a prude who had to wait until she was in love to get it on. She didn't have any such restrictions. Women have sexual desires just like men, I'd say, so why can't we get them met like guys do? Why can't we detach sex from emotions and just go for it?

When I was around college age and heard the phrase I imagined a woman in a hot pink bra and matching undies playfully pushing the boxer-wearing guy whom she'd just met hours before onto her bed. She then jumped on top of him and he started kissing her neck and chest while she closed her eyes, taking in the sensation of her skin being lightly touched. Her mind was still and care free. Pleasure was her only thought or feeling. And the next day she woke up satisfied, unashamed and without any further attachment to the man she'd made love to. In my mind, she was my idol. I wanted to be her.

And I was...Or at least I tried to be. I met guys in bars and, after having a few drinks that helped me forget my insecurities, flirted with them in a sexual way that told them they were going to be seeing more of me. And I took them home.

All of the pieces were there....Hot guy I'd just met-Check! Sexy undies-Check! Me and a bed-Check! Check! I told myself that I, too, would be able to let myself soak up the ecstasy of the moment and that in the morning I wouldn't care that I'd never see him again, like in Heart's All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You

So, why didn't that happen? Time and time again (Okay...not THAT many times;) I found myself in the same situation, trying to be like those "cool" New York City gals whom I admired. But I was always missing something. Either I couldn't relax and have fun because I was too self-conscious or thinking about how I would feel the next day, or, if I did let loose, shame and embarrassment slowly descended upon me the following day when I realized I'd just shared such an intimate part of myself with someone I'd never see again.

Now, when I hear people, typically men, talking about women "Owning their sexuality," I think "That's a bunch of CRAP!"... At least the way they mean it." I think I was tricked into thinking that wanting to wait a least until I got to know and date a guy was lame and puritanical; that I wasn't owning my sexuality.

Well, my lady friends, for those of you out there who are able to enjoy one night stands and casual sex and then never see the guy again without remorse, I applaud and envy you. But, for us mere mortals, I say "Owning our sexuality" doesn't have to mean handing it out like candy at the doctor's office. It can mean having sex when we're ready. And, for many of us, that means waiting until we feel like we're with someone we plan on seeing again and with whom we have a connection that's more than just sexual.