Hot & Bothered (But not in the way you think...)

All this talking about sex (see prior post) has me hot and bothered...But NOT in a sexual way.

I grew up in the Midwest and spent many years entrenched in a religious community that believed men were the kings of the house (as God was the master of man) and that it was a woman's job to please him. And there was/is some pretty strong scripture to back up this belief.

"The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. So do not deprive each other of sexual relations." (1 Corinthians 7:4-5)

Granted, in this verse the writer is trying to make it sound like an even exchange...the man can't deny the lady either, it says. But, really, is that an equal command? We women like sex, yes, but isn't it often more important to the man than the woman in a marriage? I don't mean to generalize but I'm simply speaking from what I've found to be true. And I know a lot of women who feel obliged to satisfy their men and feel guilty that they aren't doing it enough.

So, this whole "don't deny each other sex" thing, for many marriages, isn't exactly reciprocal. It's more like saying (but the other way around), "Women--do not deny yourselves massages and pedicures. And husbands should also not deny themselves this." See--Not equal.

A challenge in my life and my challenge to you is to, instead of seeing sex as an obligation or part of your duty as a wife/girlfriend/partner, see it like anything else that gives you pleasure. And remember these tips:

1) It's NOT your duty to service your man's needs. Believe it or not, he's perfectly capable of satisfying himself. (Of course, it's better when you're there but that doesn't mean it's obligatory...Ice cream is better, in my opinion, with peanut butter and chocolate. But ice cream can still exist on it's own without them)

2) Sex for you should be experienced when and where YOU want it. When you're feeling turned on (and are in a safe situation), go for it. But if you're feeling pressure or like you're only a receptacle for his pleasure, tell yourself that it's okay to not have sex. Sex should be mutually satisfying...Not just a party for one (what I like to call a "fun-for-one").

I feel like there is so much pressure on us women to be sexy and to perform sexually. So I also feel it's my duty to let women know that, just like being "barefoot...in the kitchen," we don't have to accept that responsibility. It's okay to want to be liked for you and not just for your punani.